You think I'd be used to this by now

My beta was supposed to be Monday morning, but I started spotting on Saturday night.  That brings me to a whopping 7 BFNs.  I thought that it wouldn't hurt as much this time, that I should be used to failing, but it was still so hard.  This was our first cycle with injectables, and our first cycle trying acupuncture.  I had so much more hope for this round because I felt like we were doing so much more to ensure it was a success.  

Now that I've failed, I feel guilty about all the money that was spent.  Our insurance doesn't cover us at the clinic, and a fully medicated / monitored cycle isn't cheap.  Elizabeth and I aren't rich by any stretch of the imagination-  she's still in grad school and doesn't even have a real salary yet.  My credit cards can't handle much more, and I hate driving us into debt.  But the absolute worst part of BFN #7 is that I was going to POAS today, Elizabeth's birthday.  I've spent the past two weeks imagining the look on her face when I handed her a positive pregnancy test, wrapped up like a birthday present.  

The very small silver lining I've been able to find in AF's early arrival is that I don't have to go in for the beta at the clinic.  I hate getting bad news from someone else.  So I'm going to try not to mope.  I'm going to have fun today and celebrate Elizabeth's birthday, even though I couldn't give her the present I really wanted to.  I'm going to eat a big bowl of ice cream, and maybe have a glass of wine.  Tomorrow, I'll dust myself off and figure out where to go from here.