Faking it

One of the most difficult aspects of keeping the TTC process secret from family and friends is that you have to pretend things are normal, even when they're not.  Pulling myself together after BFN is one thing.  I can mope around and cry during the day, and then put on a smile to go out with friends.

It's the food restrictions that are really tough.  I've been off coffee and alcohol for several months now, since I've heard that caffeine and alcohol can drastically reduce fertility.  I used to be the type to drink coffee throughout the day at work, and I really enjoy a glass of red wine with dinner or when socializing.  Now it's become an elaborate game, trying to hide the fact that I'm not drinking coffee or alcohol anymore.  If a friend wants to meet at a coffee shop, my partner Elizabeth and I will arrive a few minutes before the intended meeting time.  That way, I can sneakily order a decaf drink, and our friends will be none the wiser.  Alcohol is a bit tougher, since I can't exactly sit down at a restaurant and order a non-alcoholic pinot noir.  There are only so many times I can use the excuses of feeling sick, being on antibiotics, or being dehydrated to avoid drinking when we go out, so we try to suggest places that do not serve alcohol when going out with friends.  

I'm pretty proud of the system we've come up with at home.  I've found an organic black cherry juice that's a dead on color match for red wine.  All I have to do is pour the wine in the kitchen and then bring the full glasses out to our guests.  As long as nobody accidentally takes a sip of my wine, there's no way anyone would know I wasn't drinking.  For beer, I've saved one empty bottle and washed it out well.  If our friends want beer that night, I can fill the bottle up with water or juice, and it looks like I'm drinking beer.  Of course this really only works if you get beer in brown bottles, so nobody can see the color.  Clear bottles would take a lot of work to get a good color match.

Last night, Elizabeth and I went out with some friends to a local place that has a really great beer menu.  Since we're skipping this cycle, I figured I could treat myself to a beer and have plenty of time to get it out of my system before we inseminate again.  Besides, I thought it would be a good way to throw friends off, just in case anyone was starting to get suspicious.  I ended up having two beers since we were all having a good time and the night lasted longer than expected.  I can not believe how much these few month off have changed my tolerance, and how quickly I got drunk and silly.  I am officially a two beer queer.