Now that I've failed, I feel guilty about all the money that was spent. Our insurance doesn't cover us at the clinic, and a fully medicated / monitored cycle isn't cheap. Elizabeth and I aren't rich by any stretch of the imagination- she's still in grad school and doesn't even have a real salary yet. My credit cards can't handle much more, and I hate driving us into debt. But the absolute worst part of BFN #7 is that I was going to POAS today, Elizabeth's birthday. I've spent the past two weeks imagining the look on her face when I handed her a positive pregnancy test, wrapped up like a birthday present.
The very small silver lining I've been able to find in AF's early arrival is that I don't have to go in for the beta at the clinic. I hate getting bad news from someone else. So I'm going to try not to mope. I'm going to have fun today and celebrate Elizabeth's birthday, even though I couldn't give her the present I really wanted to. I'm going to eat a big bowl of ice cream, and maybe have a glass of wine. Tomorrow, I'll dust myself off and figure out where to go from here.