Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I miss my babies. They're in daycare now. A daycare center came through for us at the last minute, and was able to take both babies for a price we could afford. We're paying just a few hundred dollars a month more than it would cost to send one baby to daycare. I'm pretty sure the only reason they were able to give us such a good deal is because they're desperate. There are TONS of daycare facilities near us, the vast majority are fancy shmancy new constructions. We're talking video monitors in every classroom, Raffi piped in on surround sound, playgrounds with rounded corners and that soft rubbery stuff on the ground as opposed to asphalt or wood chips. The place we're sending our babies? It's a bit worn, to put it nicely. There's no way they can compete with the shiny new facilities. At least the people who work there seem nice, and they seem to like the twins. And really, we had no choice.
Besides missing my babies terribly, the worst thing about being back at work is pumping here. I HATE HATE HATE pumping in the bathroom! It just grosses me out. It's a private bathroom with a lock, which is better than having to use one of the stalls but still. It's the only private bathroom in the building. You know what that means. It's the bathroom my co-workers use when they need to do their worst. There's nothing quite like preparing food for your children with the smell of a fresh dump (or even worse, a fresh dump and french vanilla air freshener) lingering in the air. My first day back, I just stood there and cried the whole time I pumped. The second day, I focused less on crying and more on making sure that absolutely nothing that touched the bottles touched any bathroom surface. Quite the challenge. I've heard rumors of places that give mothers a private non-bathroom place to pump, but for some reason, I don't think they really exist. My co-workers don't seem to see any problem with pumping in the bathroom, so maybe I'm just being a brat. I'd like to know what you think. So please, any working mothers out there, I'd love to know what your experience pumping at work has been like.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
After we had our first appointment at the fertility factory, we went home and made a big list of names on our computer that we would add to periodically. It seemed so easy! We'd hear interesting names all the time and add them to the list. The list got longer and longer. We were prepared for octuplets. But then I got pregnant, and the idea of naming a child was no longer an abstract thing that we'd do sometime in the future. Suddenly some of those names didn't seem quite right. They were perfect for some other child, but somehow they just didn't seem like the right fit for OUR children. Choosing a name became much more complicated. The kids will be stuck with this name for the rest of their lives, or at least until they turn 18 and can change it. We have plenty of names that we like, but very few that we really love. And what if we look at our babies for the first time, and they just don't fit any of the names we've chosen? Gotta remember to pack that baby name book in the hospital bag.
We had a boy name that we absolutely loved for close to 5 years now. We had the perfect middle name to go with it. When we first checked, it was down near 100 in terms of popularity. But then it started climbing on the list to hit #25, and I heard of several other people who used this name. We had to abandon the name because it was just becoming too popular for our liking. (Elizabeth hated having such a popular name growing up.) Now I brace myself every time someone I know, in real life or in blogland is about to have a baby. I don't want to find that another name we love is becoming too popular.
We've decided that we're keeping our name choices to ourselves until the babies are born. People are way too opinionated about names, and tend to forget that it's our right to name our babies whatever we choose. We've gotten a lot more flack on our decision to keep quiet on our name ideas than we have on keeping the sex of the babies a surprise. Is it that unusual to keep your name lists secret? How did you / do you plan to choose your baby's name? For those of you who already have children, did you feel absolutely certain about a name before you gave it to your baby or was it more of a last minute decision? This is way tougher than I thought it would be!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I can't stand the thought of my babies having my father's last name, even if it turned out to be a temporary thing until we got paperwork straightened out. My father has been almost absent from my life, but pops up just enough to make things complicated. I was 5 when he got another woman pregnant with what turned out to be my half sister. My mother kicked him out of the house. He was supposed to see me and my brother on weekends, but would cancel frequently. Sometimes, he wouldn't even tell us he needed to cancel. My brother and I would wait like fools in the elementary school lobby for him to come pick us up, only to have the secretary shake her head and sigh and drive us home an hour later when he failed to show.
Over the years we saw him less and less. After I left for college at 18, the visits slowed to a pace of about one or two per year. Now I see him for a few hours a year sometime around my Christmas / New Years break at work. He spends most of those brief hours trying to make me feel guilty about how little I see him, even though he is the one who has always failed to return my calls and breaks plans at the last minute. It made me sad when I was a kid- I would get my hopes up that he would come through but wind up feeling rejected. As I got older, I recognized my father for the pathetic person he is. I stopped feeling like I needed a daddy, so his unreliability and disinterest in my life no longer hurts the way it did when I was in pigtails.
I was lucky, I have a wonderful mother and didn't need to rely on him. I think the one who was really hurt by his absence is my half sister Ella. Ella and her mother moved out of state when Ella was almost 4. When he did remember to pay child support for her it was next to nothing, even though he knew that her mother was financially and emotionally unstable. At 24, Ella is a culinary school dropout. She is unable to find work and has few adult life skills. This is mostly due to the fact that she had no role model to teach her how to be a responsible adult. She also suffers from depression, and has some of the worst luck of anyone I know. She has a tendency to drop off the face of the planet for weeks at a time. I found out yesterday from my brother that her most recent absence was due to illness. She had a severe staph infection which spread to her bones and cartilage and she's now wheelchair bound, living in a motel. My father knew of her condition, but did not once make time to visit her and didn't let anyone else in the family know she was sick. So for the past two days, I've been beyond angry with that man. There is no way he deserves to be honored as a grandfather, no way he deserves to have his name passed down.
My court date finally came through, and is set for next Friday. We always knew we wanted everyone in our family to have the same last name, and toyed with a lot of ideas before coming up with a solution that worked. We thought about hyphenating, but that would have meant a 6 syllable last name. Waaaay too much of a mouthful, especially since Elizabeth's last name is Polish and has more z's than vowels. We thought about combining part of her name with part of my name (i.e. banana + vanilla = banilla) but the results were laughable. We didn't want one of us to take the other's last name, because we were worried it would make one of us seem too dominant. In the end, we looked at as many different last names in our family trees as we could come up with, and decided on a favorite. So next Friday, we will both be using my grandfather's name as our last name. Hopefully the babies will stay put until then.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Second, I need to apologize for being such a bad blogger / commenter. Things have been a bit crazy at work. I used to be able to sneak some time at work to update my blog and comment on others, but not so much anymore. Just when I needed things to be slowing down here, my workload picked up. One of my co-workers got transferred to a new location, and I got stuck picking up a huge amount of the slack.
While they are all very nice human beings outside of the workplace, my co-workers are oblivious to how difficult things are becoming for me. I work in an academic library, which I am discovering is a much more physical job than I originally thought. There's a lot of standing up, bending to pull a 15 pound journal from the bottom shelf, pushing fully loaded carts, climbing onto a step stool and stretching to get a 15 pound journal from the top shelf, going up and down the stairs because the elevator is broken yet again. You get the picture. It's not the most physical job in the world, but everything is much harder with a belly in the way. I've made my boss aware (on multiple occasions) that I need help with the more physical aspects of the job, but nothing comes of it.
I am trying to balance being careful not to overexert myself with my need to save time for maternity leave. I will only be paid and receive insurance coverage while using my accumulated sick days. I have 65 days saved up, so that should get me close to 3 months off. Ideally, I'd like to take the bulk of that time off after the babies are born, and not before. Honestly, I still have absolutely no idea what will happen work-wise after the babies are born, and it's beginning to stress me out. Currently Elizabeth has a postdoctoral fellowship, which pays fairly well but does not offer health benefits. My job does not pay well, but it does allow me to cover Elizabeth on my insurance. Our original plan was that I would quit my job after the babies were born, because Elizabeth would surely have a job by then. Unfortunately, the academic job market is terrible. Last year was the worst year for job seekers in Elizabeth's field in decades- this year there are 25% fewer jobs than last year. It's a very difficult situation for someone trying to break into the academic job market.
Since we can't count on a job coming through for Elizabeth this year, our first plan was that I would go back to work after my leave is up since I have insurance. Elizabeth would quit her job and be a SAHM because her job does not offer insurance. It doesn't make sense for both of us to go back to work and put 2 infants in daycare. I am humiliated to admit this, because the rest of you seem so well off, with great jobs and homes that you own, but the cost of putting 2 infants in daycare would take up nearly every penny of my paycheck.* It just doesn't make sense to work so hard at a job I don't like, just so that someone else can raise my children. If I earned a bit more, it would be different because I would actually have some income left over that could be used for savings or household expenses. It just doesn't make sense to have someone else raising our kids if one of us could stay home and our financial bottom line would be the same.
Now, Elizabeth is considering staying on at her fellowship for another year because it actually brings in more money than my full time job. We would have to purchase insurance which would put us in a very tight financial situation, but we could manage. Either way, it's going to be a tough decision to make. I'm still hoping that a full time job with benefits comes through for her, because a larger salary + health insurance included would make our financial situation so much easier.
One of the things that's breaking my heart the most about our current financial situation is that with only one small income, we'll have to stay in our current one bedroom apartment. Like so many others, when I dreamed about babies in my future, I fantasized about decorating the perfect nursery. My mother-in-law threw us a baby shower last week, and we received some heart meltingly sweet home made gifts. I want a special place to put all of these lovely things. I want to give my babies a place of their own. In this regard, I feel like I have already failed them. Rather than giving them a little room just for them, we'll try to make the best of our terrible floor plan apartment and find a way to squeeze swings in between file cabinets, to fit an extra dresser and changing table in the bedroom without putting the bed and co-sleeper near the drafty window, etc. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay hopeful that something will come through at the last minute so I can give my babies everything they deserve.
And now to try and catch up on the rest of blogland!
*Elizabeth and I do combine our earnings for shared expenses. If we put our kids in daycare, it won't be coming out of my income alone. It just makes it easier to visualize the impact daycare would have on our finances by realizing that one income would essentially be gone.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
*A H0nda Acc0rd just won't cut it for 2 adults, 2 infants and 2 dogs so we spent lots of time test driving used cars. We ended up spending a little more than we wanted to because we were able to get a good deal on a Volvo XC70. It feels way too nice to be something I own! As far as station wagons go, it's pretty bad-ass.
*Work is getting busier, at the precise moment I need it to slow down a bit. One of my co-workers just got transferred to another branch, and I am left picking up the slack. I think I could write a whole post on job related stuff.
*We've had lots of appointments with our new lawyer, who is the greatest lawyer ever. He's the one who fought for civil union partners to both be named on the original birth certificate. So cool.
*We're in the process of changing our last names since we want everyone in the family to have the same last name. We didn't want us both to take one of the last names we currently have, because I was worried that it would make one of us seem more dominant than the other. I didn't want ignorant people to think that one of us was the "husband" because we had taken that name. We looked at all sorts of last names in our families going way back. In the end, we decided on my mother's maiden name.
*Elizabeth and I did a little day trip to Connecticut last week and had a shotgun wedding. We decided to get married last Monday, and had the "wedding" last Friday. Even a simple shotgun wedding resulted in a crazy week of planning. Still, we managed to find rings on our meager budged that didn't look like we'd found them next to the patchouli at a head shop, I got a cute summer dress at a maternity consignment shop, and we booked a JP. Our only "witness" was the JP's standard poodle...who is blind in one eye. Our "reception" was just the two of us going out for gelato afterwards.
*I had my 20 week ultrasound. I had been freaking out about it because my OB sent me to the hospital for the scan, since she thought she had noticed a difference in the fluid levels of the 2 babies. It turns out that there was no problem at all. Huge sigh of relief. I didn't peek at all during the between-the-legs shots, so I still do not know what I am having. I hope I can keep up the surprise.
*About 2 weeks ago, I finally started feeling movement that was definitely babies and not digestion. It makes me smile every time. I'm sure my co-workers walk by my desk and wonder why I've got such a silly grin on my face sometimes.
*I have my 22 week scan tomorrow!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Elizabeth here. First, I would like to say how much I appreciate all of your support throughout our extended and difficult TTC process. While I don’t comment anywhere, know that I have been reading and cheering everyone on. I don’t know if I will post regularly but I thought I’d give it a go for once.
Your dear Gayby and I have been navigating a couple of purgatories at once: TTC and my finding a job. And while she is now gorgeously pregnant with twins, I am still trying to find a path out of my purgatory. The very month we started TTC, September 2008, I made my formal entry into the academic job market. As you can imagine, it’s about as pretty as the rest of the job market. I know from reading your blogs that some of you are familiar with academia and its unique employment process that is clearly designed by people who, let’s face it, are not exactly natural born administrators, but for those of you who aren’t, here’s a rundown of the application process.
1) Write a multi-page cover letter outlining everything that has ever made you seem smart and unique. Include multi-page CV with everything you’ve ever done. Include 3 letters of recommendation from the best scholars you know. Include as requested the following: teaching portfolio, including syllabi, evaluations, and classroom philosophy; writing sample, ranging from 30-300 pages; research philosophy; transcripts from any institution you’ve ever attended. Spend anywhere from $4-$25 to have this material sent via dossier service.
3) Fill out affirmative action card, get hopes up that this means that they’ve at least noticed your file in the pile of 300 applications just like yours.
4) Wait more.
5) Jump every time the phone rings.
7) Give up hope.
Occasionally, you will get a phone interview, conference interview, or campus interview. The campus interviews are about as nutty as they come. Meet with as many people as can plan an hour of their day for this purpose, give a presentation of your finest scholarship, have dinner with a group of people who don’t always talk to one another, collapse.
For some people, it’s ridiculously easy. They have a few dissertation chapters done and they get an offer at the first place they ever interview. For others, it’s more difficult. They do everything right in grad school: teach a lot of classes, present research, get published, finish everything on time, and spend years languishing on the job market, piecing together whatever other work they can find to get by. Sound like any other processes we’re all familiar with?
It has nothing to do with worth or scholarly value. It’s not a meritocracy. It’s the quirkiest system to find employees ever designed, and it’s based on the whims of a committee often comprised of people with different ideas about what they want, and the result is often a compromise. I know all of this, but it doesn’t mean I don’t question my merit with every rejection. Sound familiar?
I happened to get a decent postdoc for the current academic year. At the VERY LAST MINUTE (as in at the moment I got my last summer teaching paycheck). The person who held the position previously got a permanent job elsewhere, and the director of the project knows me and offered it to me to fill the position quickly. I was desperate, so was she. I took it, and it’s a match made in purgatory. She has a tendency to yell and belittle. It’s not pleasant but not unbearable. I shouldn’t complain. At least I have something for the moment. But we have 2 babies on the way, and I don’t get benefits in this position. Gayby deserves to be able to quit her boring job and stay home with the babies while she figures out what she wants to do – she sacrificed figuring out what she wanted to support my academic fantasyland – and to do this I need to be carrying the benefits. I owe this to her, and I desperately want to give it to her. I’m applying beyond academia as well, but it’s pretty bleak out there.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if everything just came together at the exact right moment? I’d like to be done with all purgatories once and for all.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
This morning, I checked my e-mail and she's sent me a link to la.mbda legal. She's very proud of herself because she thinks she's found the answer to everything. Suddenly, she's the expert on gay adoption law. I've been referring to that organization's website for several years now, ever since we got serious about starting a family. Still, I politely thanked her, let her know it was a great site and that it helped us to find the lawyer we're going to go with.
Her next e-mail is what really got me. She told me not to hire a lawyer, and told me that she had my aunt and uncle looking into it. My aunt and uncle who did a traditional domestic adoption 26 years ago. She also has her lawyer friend's daughter who lives in my state looking into it. She has a whole team of people supposedly "looking into things" on my behalf. She sent me a link for the state court adoption information. Basically, she is suggesting that the lawyers are tricking me into thinking I need them, and that I can do this all on my own.
Right now I am feeling a bit humiliated. Humiliated that there are at least a dozen people who think I've gone into this baby making thing blindly and have no idea how to handle the second parent adoption. Humiliated that there are people who now think I am turning to mommy for help and am probably too irresponsible to handle a child of my own.
I understand that my mother means well. That's probably the only thing that's keeping me from completely blowing up right now. This is where I need the expertise of all of you out there who've been through this, or are going through it now. Did any of you do second parent adoption without a lawyer? Would any of you consider it? Everything I've ever read stresses the importance of using a lawyer for this. So before I tell my mother that going lawyer-free is not an option, I'd love to hear from the real experts on the matter.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Like everyone else we're told, the first thing my brother asked was about who the father was. We explained that it was an anonymous donor from a sperm bank who our children would be allowed to meet when they turned 18. He asked question after question about the donor- how did we chose, what do we know about him, what is he like. To be honest I wasn't expecting everyone to have so many questions about the donor right away, and I'm not sure how to go about answering them.
I've always been very private about our donor choice on the blog. I've seen multiple instances where a blogger with a particularly cute child will have random bloggers ask for her donor number! That's just creepy if you ask me. I think that giving out too much info about your donor on a blog just opens a door and asks all of the crazies to come in.
But what about my family and friends? I'm finding myself hesitant to give them too much information on the donor too. Maybe it's just a residual hesitation, from all those months of keeping quiet on the blog. Maybe there's something more at play. I think that some of my hesitation comes from the fact that I know so little about the donor myself. Sure I have a baby picture and essay and medical history, but that's really not much. If I start printing out the donor profile for my friends, they'll know as much about the guy as I do. I have to admit, I think I'd feel a little strange if a random friend knew as much about the donor as our own child did. I've been feeling a need to protect that information, so it will belong to my children before it belongs to anyone else.
Is this unusual? How has everyone else handled questions about their donor?
P.S. on a completely unrelated note, has anyone else had problems with the Lilypie tickers in Blogger? I finally felt confident enough to make a ticker, but it keeps getting stuck.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The ultrasound on Friday went very well. Though I'm glad they took my blood pressure afterwards, because I'm sure it would have been elevated due to nerves had they taken it before the ultrasound. Both babies were mellow through about half of the exam. Then the ultrasound tech announced that Baby A seemed to be waking up. Let me tell you, A was not at all happy about being woken up. It scratched it's little head in confusion, and then flipped around a few times trying to get comfortable again. Once again, Baby B had a much quicker heart rate- 178 bpm and A was a bit calmer at 160bpm. Everything looked perfect, and we confirmed that the babies are fraternal and not identical.
For the first time in 12 weeks, I feel like I can breathe. I know that there is no magic date you can cross off the calendar and be guaranteed that everything will be okay. Still, I'm taking a great deal of comfort in passing this milestone.
(another poor quality picture for your viewing pleasure!)
Immediately after the scan, Elizabeth and I packed up the dogs and drove up to Connecticut to break the news to our families. We tried to use some of the creative ideas suggested, but in the end nothing worked. (We couldn't find frames we thought they'd like, the dogs wouldn't sit still for a picture, etc.) We arranged to meet both sets of parents for lunch at a place of their choosing. Fortunately, they get along remarkably well and it didn't seem unusual that we'd be meeting them together for lunch. After everyone had ordered and there was a lull in the conversation, I confessed that we had a motive for bringing them all together, and just came out and said that I was pregnant. As predicted, they were all shocked. Our mothers got very teary and high pitched. My stepfather smiled and gave us a congratulations. Elizabeth's dad sat in stunned silence for a moment. Every time he looked like he was going to say something, he couldn't get the words out so he just smiled and shook his head. They asked a few questions, and then Elizabeth's mother asked if we had heard the heartbeat. No, I told her, we heard heartbeats. It took her a moment to realize what I was saying, but my mother got it right away. So did the waitress, who jumped right into the conversation and told us about her own twins.
Once we told our parents, the news spread faster than an STD on prom night. Our mothers had to call all of their siblings and friends. After keeping this such a closely guarded secret for so many months, it feels strange to have so many people know. There are still a few people who don't know because we're waiting to tell them in person, but for the most part our secret is out.
In other big news, we've finally come up with nicknames that we think will work. It was actually my stepfather who came up with them. Upon hearing about their wildly different heart rates, he said "It sounds like you've got an espresso and a decaf". So from now on Baby A with the slower heart rate will be known as Decaf. Baby B, the little overachiever with a fast heart rate who tried to make an identical twin for him / herself will be referred to as Espresso.
Friday, January 29, 2010
I'm pretty sure that the parents have no idea. I was on the younger side when I realized I was gay- about 12 years old. It was the early 90's, and I didn't know of any gay people who had children. I decided that as a defense mechanism, I should just pretend that I was indifferent to children. That way, it would hurt less when I never had any of my own. As I grew older, I saw that some gay people did in fact have children, but they seemed very few and far between. Knowing that there was no guarantee I'd end up with someone who also wanted children, I kept up the act through college. My mother has started referring to herself as "grandma" when she talks about our dogs. I think I played the part so well that she's given up any hope that I'll ever have kids. I'm a bit worried that I kept up the act so well that my family sees me as someone with no maternal instincts- the kind of person they can't picture with a child.
Elizabeth and I are planning to drive up to Connecticut one week from today to tell our parents. We will have had our 12 week ultrasound that morning, so hopefully we'll have some good pictures and good news to share. We're lucky that they only live about 45 minutes from each other, and they get along incredibly well. It won't be a problem to get them all together and tell them at the same time. The problem is, we're not quite sure how we're going to break the news. Do we just come out and say "we have something to tell you" and then give them the news? Do we try something cute or creative? How did you break the news to your family? What about friends? Did you put much thought into the order you told people? Did anyone know you were trying? How far along were you when you told? I know, that's a lot of questions, but I'd love to hear from anyone who wants to share!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
On Monday we did our first hospital tour. There are 3 possibilities in the area that I'll refer to as Small, Medium and Large. Monday night was our tour of Small Hospital. When we made the tour reservation, we were told to meet by the piano, and only my husband was allowed to come with me. Grrrr. As the wives and their husbands began gathering around the piano, it was clear that I was the least far along of anyone. ALL of the other women had big beautiful bellies, so I began to feel a bit out of place.
The nurse who led the tour made it seem as though the only things we need to get through pregnancy, delivery and childrearing are Jesus and hand sanitizer. Every time we passed one of the hand sanitizers on the wall, she used it and took the opportunity to remind us about germs. She didn't speak too much about the other amenities available at the hospital, c-section rates or anything like that. Just the hand sanitizer. As the tour was about to end, she told us that the most important thing it to find faith before we have children. And that she should know because she has 11 herself. Yes, she did say that it was her opinion and not the opinion of the hospital, but it still turned me off a little. I don't want to have to worry about some rogue nurse trying to convert me while I'm in labor.
I have also been dealing with a lot of jealousy and anxiety this week. It started when I had the 8 week ultrasound. I googled more pictures of 8 week ultrasounds, and all of the babies look bigger and better than mine. Then I started googling belly shots. It's amazing how big some of these women are at 10 weeks (I'm 10 weeks today). Most of them are only pregnant with one. I'm not showing at all, and I've supposedly got twins in there. It makes me worry that there is something wrong- that I've lost one or that they aren't growing properly. And it makes me jealous. I wonder if this is just the beginning of the jealousy some people feel as parents. Jealous that their cousin's baby crawled earlier. Jealous that the 4 year old down the street speaks two languages fluently and plays the violin. Jealous that their neighbor's teenager is polite. I am trying very hard to work on this jealousy, because I know it will be unhealthy for a child. But I still can' t shake the anxiety that there's something wrong. The days until my 12 week ultrasound are just going to drag by.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I think the fertility clinic has turned me into a very needy, coddled patient. I just found out that I will not be getting an ultrasound at my appointment on the 19th. That has me a bit freaked out. I am still sailing through this pregnancy almost entirely symptom free. Sure, I've been filling up quicker at meals, have a new found love of ketchup, some minor food aversions, and have fallen asleep on the couch a few times. But really, nothing major at all. You'd think I would be grateful, but it actually makes me nervous. It makes me worry that something is wrong- that one or both of the babies has stopped growing. I don't think I'll feel confident about this pregnancy until I am sending a healthy, well adjusted 18 year old off to college.
So my dears, this is where I need your advice. I am very much on the fence about getting a doppler. On the one hand, it could ease some of my fears. On the other hand, it could make me more obsessive. I'm not even sure how a doppler would work with twins, and if I'd be able to distinguish between 2 heartbeats, etc. How many of you out there use a doppler? If you do, is there a brand you recommend? For those of you who decided against the doppler, what are your reasons for not getting one?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I don't feel ready for my final exam. I've gotten used to lots of appointments, and constant attention. Although it's not a label I enjoy, I've even gotten used to being a bitter infertile. I've spent the last year and a half of my life with these people. I have to admit, I'm going to miss them just a bit. Some of them. Did anyone out there do anything for their doctors / nurses upon graduating to the OB? I was thinking of getting something small for our nurse at the very least. She has been our primary contact person from day one, and has been so patient with all of our fretful phone calls and silly questions. If any of you bought gifts, what did you buy? I have no idea what is appropriate, or how much to spend. Maybe I'll bring some treats to be placed in the coffee area too. My only concern -and I know this might be a bit paranoid- is that the doctor won't see anything at my next appointment. I'd hate to show up to the clinic grinning and carrying a load of donuts only to leave sobbing. Maybe I'm being crazy. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I start with the initial high of a good appointment. As the days drag by until my next appointment, I become more and more anxious, worried that my next ultrasound will reveal bad news. This is far more difficult than any TWW.
So now I begin the task of trying to find an OB. I think I know which practice I'm going to chose, because their doctors have delivery privileges at the 3 hospitals closest to me. Hopefully I'll find someone I like there. It's as good a starting point as any, I suppose. I feel so unprepared to graduate into this big world!