This Friday is my 8 week ultrasound at the clinic. It is also my last appointment there. Ever. As in, I will graduate to the OB after this appointment. The OB where real pregnant women go. The only problem is, I still feel like an impostor. It hasn't quite sunk into my thick skull yet that I might actually be...you know...that p word. I had heard from others who had long TTC journeys that it might take a while to sink in, but I wasn't expecting it to take this long. I mean, I've seen heartbeats for crying out loud, but I still don't quite believe it.
I don't feel ready for my final exam. I've gotten used to lots of appointments, and constant attention. Although it's not a label I enjoy, I've even gotten used to being a bitter infertile. I've spent the last year and a half of my life with these people. I have to admit, I'm going to miss them just a bit. Some of them. Did anyone out there do anything for their doctors / nurses upon graduating to the OB? I was thinking of getting something small for our nurse at the very least. She has been our primary contact person from day one, and has been so patient with all of our fretful phone calls and silly questions. If any of you bought gifts, what did you buy? I have no idea what is appropriate, or how much to spend. Maybe I'll bring some treats to be placed in the coffee area too. My only concern -and I know this might be a bit paranoid- is that the doctor won't see anything at my next appointment. I'd hate to show up to the clinic grinning and carrying a load of donuts only to leave sobbing. Maybe I'm being crazy. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I start with the initial high of a good appointment. As the days drag by until my next appointment, I become more and more anxious, worried that my next ultrasound will reveal bad news. This is far more difficult than any TWW.
So now I begin the task of trying to find an OB. I think I know which practice I'm going to chose, because their doctors have delivery privileges at the 3 hospitals closest to me. Hopefully I'll find someone I like there. It's as good a starting point as any, I suppose. I feel so unprepared to graduate into this big world!
4 months ago