Friday, January 29, 2010

The Big Tell

We still haven't told anyone I'm pregnant. Unless you count the doctors of course, but I'm sure they would have figured that out on their own. We didn't tell a soul we were TTC, so nobody has been watching me carefully for weight gain or sudden food aversions. I'm 11 weeks along, and realize that we need to start telling people soon. It's only a matter of time before I start showing. After keeping this secret for so long, it's going to be strange finally tell.

I'm pretty sure that the parents have no idea. I was on the younger side when I realized I was gay- about 12 years old. It was the early 90's, and I didn't know of any gay people who had children. I decided that as a defense mechanism, I should just pretend that I was indifferent to children. That way, it would hurt less when I never had any of my own. As I grew older, I saw that some gay people did in fact have children, but they seemed very few and far between. Knowing that there was no guarantee I'd end up with someone who also wanted children, I kept up the act through college. My mother has started referring to herself as "grandma" when she talks about our dogs. I think I played the part so well that she's given up any hope that I'll ever have kids. I'm a bit worried that I kept up the act so well that my family sees me as someone with no maternal instincts- the kind of person they can't picture with a child.

Elizabeth and I are planning to drive up to Connecticut one week from today to tell our parents. We will have had our 12 week ultrasound that morning, so hopefully we'll have some good pictures and good news to share. We're lucky that they only live about 45 minutes from each other, and they get along incredibly well. It won't be a problem to get them all together and tell them at the same time. The problem is, we're not quite sure how we're going to break the news. Do we just come out and say "we have something to tell you" and then give them the news? Do we try something cute or creative? How did you break the news to your family? What about friends? Did you put much thought into the order you told people? Did anyone know you were trying? How far along were you when you told? I know, that's a lot of questions, but I'd love to hear from anyone who wants to share!

16 comments:

AdventuresInBabyMaking said...

I like cutesey reveals. I haven't even started thinking about it myself, but I'm sure you can come up w/ something. In fact, I'm sure there's something online somewhere w/ ideas (grandparent bibs, etc).

But how exciting to start sharing your news! :)

rachelbk said...

You could do something like 'greatest grandpa/greatest grandma' t-shirts, and see if they 'get it.' It would be fun to watch their faces as it sinks in!

Strawberry said...

We were boring and just told them point blank :) But they already knew we were trying, so you could really work something out to surprise them. We told immediate family very early on. We didn't tell friends, extended family and coworkers until after our nuchal scan at 13 weeks. Hard secret to keep!

N said...

We didn't do much interesting, and told our families right away. Having gone through our loss during the last previously, I knew I'd want them to know, if I needed the support again.

Malea said...

I read about some pretty creative ways that made the occasion really special,so I'm sure you'll get some great ideas.

I hear ya on the pretending to be indifferent about marriage and kids. There weren't any gay families near me either. There were a few gays, being it was college town ,but most kept their heads down and just dated around.None noticeably lasting for any period of time.

My parents aren't hearing any of it as my mother recently told me.

It's cool the wiggles have Grands to spoil them rotten:)And so close in proximity the holidays will be a breeze with no grand being left out.

Elana Kahn said...

Ahhh reveals are awesome. We told my mother-in-law on her birthday, since it was the day after our 7 week u/s and we saw the two heartbeats. She nearly fainted. :-) While you're up in CT, why not make the extra drive to Boston and come see me and my twins while you're at it??

Melissa said...

I'm sure your famailes are going to be sooo excited! Our familes knew we were trying so we didn't do a big reveal or anything.

Since your mom always refers to the dogs as her grandkids maybe you could let them help you tell the news. Like taking pictures of the dogs wearing signs saying something about how they are going to be a big brother/sister.

Pomegranate said...

That's exciting. We have talked about TTC way too much. After the first try we realized we had to stop.

Being able to surprise your family with the news sounds really cool.

Naomi said...

It's fun to do something out of the ordinary! I got picture frames and put a picture of the best ultrasound in them and on each picture I personalized it to the individual getting the picture. Like "Can't wait to meet you Nana" or "Hi, Great Grammy" and we used those call outs to house the words! I was 13 weeks along and I was able to share at Christmas (last year).
For work I baked two cakes--one frosted pink and one frosted blue. I'm all into the surprise of things and I had so much fun making them and coming up with fun things to say! The cakes...well everyone loves cake, right!
I'm so excited for you guys!!!

giggleblue said...

we were boring too, with the "we are pregnant". i think we will be more creative with the next one - big sister tshirt!

mamaandmummy said...

One idea I heard was to give a gift of an empty picture frame with a note inside the frame that says "This frame is empty right now, but that will be corrected in August." Also, if your family is the sentimental type they might like those blank grandparent books to fill in with memories for the babes. :) So excited for you!

e said...

I am getting so excited for you guys, just hearing about it is giving me goosebumps. Ive heard a really funny 'reveal' in which the parents to be made tee shirts with early scan's on it that said "meet my grandchild" or something like that. It was meant mainly as a joke, but got out of hand when the grand parents insisted on wearing them in their Christmas card and thus her uterus was sent out to all of the family friends..but it was a cute idea...

cant wait to hear about it!

alimis said...

I like telling the most immediate family members in a unique way. Especailly since yours have no idea, so it will be extra fun!! When Violet was pregnant back in June, we told our parents and my sister and her boyfriend by making each of them individualized onesies. I can;t remember what they said but each person's onesie had their name in the wording on the front of the onesie. We bought plain white onesies transfer paper and printed the images of our computer. It was very cute.

J and DZ said...

We told at 5 weeks (my dad) and asked him to keep it a secret (which he didn't). I told my step mom first (over the phone) and she cried and asked me to call and tell my dad right away and he was so excited. Nothing fancy for us and I couldn't keep the secret longer than a week after our positive Beta results. I have no regrets doing it that way although I do think more creative approaches are very cool!

poppycat.wordpress.com said...

Well shit Gayby, I am NOT the person to ask as we told our moms we were trying, told them we were doing IVF, told them at 14DPT that we were pregnant. We can't keep a secret and I have been so impressed that you have kept your mouth closed this whole time. We could never.

I think no matter how you tell it will be the most memorable and amazing telling ever. Have fun and please let us know how you did it!

Mrs. Basement said...

What do you think about making a little book? Like folding three sheets of 8x11 inch paper in half and writing down the story so they can contextualize the good news? If you write the story right, the big news will just become a logical, awesome conclusion. Like we met, we fell in love, we got a dog, we bought some sperm, etc . . . It'll be a nice keepsake. My concern if I was in your situation would be that everyone would be so shocked and/or confused that joy would be the second emotion -- and I want total, uncontaminated joy!