Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Drop a bomb on me

When our plans to use a known donor didn't work out, Elizabeth and I had an immediate backup plan.  We had found a very unique sperm bank online that releases the identity of the donor when the baby is just three months old.  This way, the child can grow up knowing who their father is and maybe even have some sort of relationship with him.  While it might be a bit awkward for us to enter into this sort of relationship with a complete stranger, we both thought it would be a good idea for the child.  At the very least, they would be able to go on their first date without worrying if the person they were about to kiss was a half-sibling.  I know this kind of donor arrangement wouldn't work for everyone, but we see it as the next best thing to using a known donor.  

So far, we've been incredibly happy with this sperm bank.  They are attentive, friendly and offer very personalized service.  So we felt like a bomb had been dropped on us when our clinic told us last week they could no longer accept shipments from that sperm bank.  Apparently, there is a problem with the sperm bank's FDA certification.  The bank has a state certification, but not a federal certification.  Why no federal certification?  Because they openly allow gay men to be donors and the FDA donor policy is homophobic.    

Now, we're not sure about how to proceed.  It's been 11 days since my IUI, and I haven't experienced a single symptom of early pregnancy.  So I'm thinking that this cycle is a BFN, and it's time to start thinking about the next cycle.  It's hard to think about giving up on this sperm bank.  It's not like we're using a traditional sperm bank and they just sold our of our top choice donor.  If we stop using this sperm bank, it will fundamentally alter the way our child(ren) grow up.  So these are the possibilities we came up with....  

*Home insemination, which I'm not wild about because we've tried that 3 times without success.

*Pleading with our clinic to find some loophole that will allow us to continue to use this sperm bank.

*Switching to a traditional sperm bank, because thousands of women use them every year and manage to raise normal, well adjusted kids.

*Flying cross country to the sperm bank.  (shipping myself rather than the tank of sperm)  The sperm bank does perform IUIs, but this would be expensive and logistically challenging. 

That's all we've come up with so far.  If anyone out there has any brilliant ideas or insight, we're open to anything!


Anonymous said...

My only suggestion would be home IUIs. You can do it yourself (there are lots of instructions on the interweb). You could also find a gay friendly mid-wife, nurse, or PA to make a housecall to do it. Maybe you could combine the two: have your current clinic or another health professional teach you how to do the home IUI. Such a shame! I hope you figure out how to continue inseminating with this donor.

Loved your comment. Thanks for dropping by.

Kristin said...

Try home insemination with the Conception Kit (www.conceptionkit.com). It's the only home insemination kit that has an FDA approved cervical cap made of medical grade silicone. Clinical studies show they are WAAAY more effective than IUI's and tons cheaper too. Just my 2 cents, but I also heard that if you mention Resolve when you order you get a discount....try it out.

Just stay away from anyone who tells you doing home insemination with menstrual cups works. It doesn't, in fact they are designed to keep fluid AWAY from your cervix, which is NOT what you want in this case.