Wednesday, April 29, 2009


We're still trying to figure out a way to have an IUI and use our sperm bank of choice.  Our first plan of attack was to beg the clinic to help us find a way around the red tape that prevents them from working with sperm banks that take gay donors.  That went over like a lead balloon.  

Plan B was to find a midwife or OBGYN who would be willing and able to help us out.  Elizabeth made tons of phone calls late last week, and found a midwife who might be able to help.  Unfortunately, the midwife is swamped with her other clients right now, so she has yet to hear the details of our situation.  Even if she does get back to us, her office is 1 1/2 hours away, so it will be a bit of a challenge to work with her.  In the meantime, Elizabeth found a local OBGYN that sounded promising.  She says they were very friendly on the phone.  "Sure we do IUIs!" the receptionist assured her.  So we went in tonight, relieved that we had potentially found a solution.  

The OBGYN office was very small, and the receptionist was friendly.  But that's where it ended.  When we went back to the doctor's office we were greeted by a man who can best be described as Joe Pesci in "My Cousin Vinny".  He seemed utterly confused to see two women walk in to his office.  "So which one of yous is the patient?" he asked.  I identified myself, he shook my hand and then didn't acknowledge Elizabeth.  We had to interrupt him and introduce her.  So we told him our situation, and that all we needed was another place that could do a sperm wash and IUI.  So he pulls a pad down from his shelf and starts to write us a referral for another local fertility factory.  "I used to do IUIs here a few years ago", he said "But it was too expensive so I don't do that anymore".  

So that appointment was just a big waste of time.  $15 co-pay to get a referral to a place that we already know won't see us.  The giant fertility clinics aren't going to go anywhere near us because of the sperm bank we're using.  We can't do an IUI ourselves at home because our sperm bank only has unwashed specimens.  Hopefully the midwife will come through for us.


Lisa said...

I must have missed a post. What is the reason they won't work with your bank?

Gayby Rabies said...

Our sperm bank allows openly gay men to donate, and the homophobic FDA does not. So most fertility clinics refuse to let us bring our sperm anywhere near them because the bank has a STATE certification and not a FEDERAL certification. Even though the state where the sperm bank is located has far stricter policies than the feds. Its just about the gay for the FDA. We're really committed to using this sperm bank, at least at this point, because they release the identity of the donor when the child is 3 months old.

Pufferfish said...

Hmmm. It sounds like you are in a tricky situation. The only thing I can suggest (and perhaps you've already thought of this) is to learn how to do an at-home IUI. You can order a speculum online and there are plenty of "how to do it yourself" guides on the internet and loads of other ladies who have gone there with success.
Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I am really sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I like the sperm bank that you are talking about, I hope that you are able to make this work. Best of luck!