the good stuff

I feel the need for a ranting post coming up soon. Just to show that I'm not entirely a negative Nellie, I thought I'd share a bit about what's awesome right now.

*The kiddos really are BFFs. He calls her Yaya, and she calls him Mano. I think I am going to use these for their bloggy names, since I have been struggling to come up with something to call them. So from here on out, baby girl is Yaya, baby boy is Mano. Until I change my mind again.

*Yaya is my little daredevil and loves slides. Even the steep one in our backyard that allows her to catch some air. She tries to turn everything into a slide, like the little foot on our trestle table, or a sleeping mom.

*They have discovered Elmo and are OBSESSED. You know those old clips of teenage girls screaming and jumping when they see the Beatles getting off a plane? That's what Yaya did the other day when she woke up and discovered she was still wearing her Elmo jammies.

*They play a little game that I call "nap". Yaya lies down on the floor on her belly and says "night night". Mano brings a blanket over and gently drapes it over her, then sits beside her and rubs her back while she pretends to sleep.

*Any time I place food in front of him, Mano gives a very dramatic Oooooooo, as if I have just brought him something tremendously exciting and delicious. It makes me feel good about my cooking.

*Although they are entering bit of that toddler "I'm going to be picky about what I eat just because I can" phase, they are still pretty good eaters. Mano could probably polish off an order of tandoori chicken on his own, and Yaya seems to have a taste for spicy food and good olives.

*I think Mano has a few crushes at daycare. On the drive home, he'll say things like "Gia pretty" "Adhya pretty", referring to the girls in his class. I think we are in trouble.

*They look out for each other. If you give Yaya one of something, she will say "Mano" until you give her a second one that she can bring to her brother. When it's time to leave daycare at the end of the day, Mano always brings his coat and his sister's coat. He tries to help her put it on, with very limited success.

*I think Mano had aspirations to be a janitor. He loves mops, brooms, swiffers, vacuums and steam cleaners. If you give him a baby wipe or tissue, he'll start dusting the furniture.

*We did everything wrong with sleep in the beginning. The kids were nowhere near sleeping through the night. About a month and a half ago, we finally decided it was time to make changes and things have been going really well. There have been, and I know there will continue to be setbacks but overall the change has been phenomenal.

*They kiss the pictures of dogs in their books.

The toddler lunch table

I like food. I like cooking food, eating food, watching TV shows about food, even looking at pictures of food online. Before my kids were born, I decided that I would do whatever I had to do to ensure that they'd be good eaters. I think we're doing a halfway decent job so far. We always eat dinner as a family, even though that means that the meal is a bit more frenzied, and served a bit earlier than the adults would like. The kiddos are fairly adventurous, and will at least taste anything we put in front of them.
I searched high and low looking for the right food containers to send to daycare. I wanted something that was leakproof. I wanted something microwave safe. I wanted compartments, but I wanted the option that some of the compartments could be kept cold and others could be heated. We've been using this, and so far been really happy with it. I do my best to make sure to pack a variety of different things. The daycare teachers report that the kids love to eat.

But then they moved to the toddler room. And the daycare provides food for kids in the toddler room and up. Some parents still pack lunches, but I think most happily let their kids eat what is provided. From what I can see, the meals are a rotation of hot dogs, pizza, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, ziti, and mac and cheese (no joke, just 6 items). The sides are canned fruit, and canned veggies topped with a healthy dose of country crock. Not exactly the quality or variety I want my kids eating every day. So I've continued to pack lunches. But their end of the day reports show that the kids have been getting daycare food too. Nobody even asked me if it was okay to give to them.

For a few days, I struggled over how to address this. It appears that most of the kids there eat the daycare food. I didn't want to be know as the bitch who thinks her kids are too good for the food that is perfectly fine for all the other kids. The head teacher, who I needed to talk to about the issue was out for a few days, so that bought my chickenshit ass as little more time. Besides, how much damage could a little grilled cheese do. But then it happened. Somebody gave my kids chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets scare me. It pushed me to stop being a wimp, and I talked to someone immediately. Though of course, I couldn't bring myself to say that I thought the food they served was poor quality and I didn't want my kids to have it. I just asked if there was a problem with the food I was sending, or if I wasn't sending enough. It turns out that, being typical toddlers, my kids just want what all the other kids have if their own lunch isn't one of their favorites. Apparently, they cry, whine, point and beg when they see that other kids are eating something different.

I'm at a bit of a loss on what to do. I don't want my kids to be hungry, and I know that there is not enough staff at the daycare to sit with them for however long it takes to decide they're willing to eat what I've packed. And it's impossible to force feed a toddler. They can't be separated from the other kids at mealtimes. Because I was in a hurry to get to work, the only thing I could think to say at the time was that I didn't want them getting any meat. I figure that's the worst of the stuff they'd be getting there. At the moment, I think my best option for dealing with the other stuff is to pack the tried and true stuff they love for their lunches, in the hopes that it distracts them from the other stuff. I've been wrestling with the way I've handled the situation all day, wondering if I made the right choice. I can't decide if it's better for them to eat something that's not what I would chose to serve, or be hungry. Am I being a food snob by saying I don't want them eating daycare food, or am I being irresponsible for not stopping it immediately? In the meantime, if anyone has any toddler friendly recipes they'd like to share, I'm all ears!

The February Gayby Newsletter

So I suppose it's time for my monthly blog post. Speaking of monthly, I just got my first postpartum period. I was not looking forward to that. I had hoped that breastfeeding would have kept it away longer, but I've been pumping a lot less, so maybe that's to blame.

On the fun side of things, the kids have moved up to the next room at daycare. The first room, the infant room, is for babies age 6 weeks to 18 months. Our kids were the oldest in there, and were obviously getting really bored. The room is filled with swings and bouncers, definitely geared more toward the younger children in the room. Now they're in a room with activities and things to climb on (things that they're actually supposed to be climbing on) and kids who are communicating verbally. I don't think they got talked to very much in the infant room. I'm hoping that being in a room full of talkers helps with their language skills. They've only got around 20 or 30 words at last count, and their pronunciation is not so great. I think my love and I are the only ones who can understand what they are saying most of the time. In the short time that they've been in the toddler room, they're already starting to make more efforts with talking and their pronunciation is getting clearer.

I know everyone says this about every age, but this really is a fun age. Challenging, but fun. They are so sweet to each other. If one is crying, the other will bring a stuffed animal or sippy cup, or anything they think will help. Melts my heart every time. It is definitely on of the best things about having twins.

Our little Bean is the helper, and the comedian. She loves putting things away, and I think the toybox itself may be her favorite toy. The other day we had a little coffee pot mishap, which sent coffee grounds flying. Before I could get the dustbuster out to clean up the mess, baby girl had grabbed a tissue and started wiping the floor. She loves to attempt to dress herself. Sometimes, it's all part of her comedy routine. Like when she puts a pair of pants on her head and parades around the room. She knows she's being silly, and will pause what she's doing to be sure she has an audience. She loves to make people laugh. The other day, her trick was pretending to sleep at the lunch table.

Her brother on the other hand is more likely to be climbing on the lunch table. He is an active, active boy. In one quick movement, he can effortlessly climb onto a dining room chair. He climbs everything. He also has a thing for brooms / vacuums / mops and swiffers. He's got some kind of broom radar, and will make a beeline for the thing any time he enters a room where a floor cleaning implement is present. A broom can keep him entertained for minutes on end. He also loves books. If you make the mistake of sitting on the floor, there's a good chance he'll plop onto your lap with a book. And you will have to read that book at least 3 times. He's also very sensitive, and very very affectionate. Sometimes he'll just drop what he's doing in order to give you a big hug and kiss. He loves to pet and hug his very patient dogs.

I know I'm biased, but I think these kids are awesome.

pretending to sleep at the table. an ingenious way to get out of an awkward conversation. if you look closely, you can see she's smiling at her own cleverness.

this dog puts up with so much

I've got mail!

Some of you were caught by surprise when you got your craft exchange presents in the mail. Not me. I was like a little kid waiting for my package with a mysterious return address to show up. The suspense of waiting to find out who got me was so exciting. I even printed out the list of participants, and as each craft was posted on a blog, I would cross the crafter's name off my list. I didn't get to far in my sleuthing, because the package arrived yesterday! And just like my pregnancy, this package was a twofer. The first item I unwrapped was this cute unbreakable, safe for the lower branches tree:

Next, there was the little box. A present within a present! Could this get any cooler?



And what was inside the box, you ask? Upon first glance, it looks like it's just a cute handpainted glass ball with snowmen.





Turn the ball over just a little, and you can see that the snowmen are actually fingers on an adorable little baby hand. so. friggin. cute.



Last of all, there was a card. I saved that for last because finding out who had sent the package was the most exciting part. I am such a cotton headed ninnymuggins that I forgot to get a card for my own craft, and had to jot a quick message on a paper that I stole from the photocopier as I ran to the post office on my lunch break.

So who is the awesome blogger who sent this marvelous, well thought out package? It was the lovely ladies at Build-A-Baby (or two) and their kiddos. I'm so happy that the craft exchange has led me to this new blog, and it's another blog with boy/girl twins to boot! Thanks Build-A-Baby family for the beautiful gifts. So sorry my crummy cell phone pics don't do them justice.

Five gooolden rings...and some birds

Playing catchup on this 12 days of Christmas thing...

Two turtle doves
It took me until I was about 10 years old to really figure out my mother's side of the family. Let's see if you can follow. My grandfather married E, and they had my mother and 2 aunts. They got divorced, and he married T, who had 2 boys from a previous marriage. T's ex-husband died when the boys were young. T died of cancer when I was almost 2, and a few years later my grandfather married B, who has 2 sons and 1 daughter. T's son's remained close to my grandfather, and grew close to his new wife because they really had no other family. So that makes 3 aunts, four uncles, plus their spouses and children who I'd see every year at Christmas. My grandfather also had a lot of family friends, some of whom I thought were actual relatives for a long time. He was the ultimate "love makes a family" kind of guy, and brought people in the way others bring in stray cats. His house was always bustling the week of Christmas, full of food, wine, children running everywhere. It was perfect. Christmas 2010 was the last time I saw my grandfather, he died in late January. This giant Brady Bunch family is all I've ever known. Because she was part of my life since I was 3, I have always considered B to be my grandmother, and not just a step-grandmother. But since the loss of my grandfather, my mother and her sisters have shown just how fragile some of these bonds can be. They suddenly have very little patience for their stepmother. Although we'll all be getting together this Christmas, it's uncertain if the tradition will live on. The people of my parent's generation seem to be leaning towards holidays with immediate family only. Fortunately, there is some glimmer of hope in my generation. This is the family we've always known, and we're not going to let it go easily.

Three French Hens
Elizabeth has been a student for nearly all of our time together. We met in college. She took a year off after graduation, and then started work on her PhD. This means that money has always been tight, but we've tried to do one vacation together a year. The vacations have come to a temporary halt though, as we spent all of our free funds on fertility treatment, and then a house. I miss being able to get away, but of course I would not trade what I have now for anything. I'm really looking forward to taking them places someday soon. Although I've never really liked theme parks, I can't wait for the day we can surprise them with a trip to Disney. Yeah, I've totally bought into those commercials.

Four calling birds
Oh Christmas cards! We are late late late getting our cards out this year. First, we thought it would be fun to take pictures picking out the tree. The kids thought it would be more fun to run around all of the trees. We got a lot of pictures of the back of heads. Then, we thought we'd try Santa at the mall. We actually got to the mall too early, and Santa wasn't there yet. There were no signs indicating when he'd be in, and the kids were starting to lose their patience so we left. As a last resort, we pulled two candy canes off the tree and plopped the kids down on the stairs and let them try candy for the first time. Here's one of the shots that made the cut.

Five golden rings
The kids have shown very little interest in stuffed animals. They have no favorite blankies or anything like that. Earlier this month, we went to a TJ Maxx to find some things to make our new house look a bit more festive. Bean pulled a stuffed (moose? reindeer?) off the shelf, and has suddenly become quite attached to it. Unfortunately, right next to "Made in China" the tag on his butt says "decoration only, THIS IS NOT A TOY" Not sure how to handle this one.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

Where would I be without An Offering of Love? I certainly wouldn't have any crafty projects do do, or blog post topics! I've decided to jump on the 12 days of Christmas theme, which you can read about here. The first topic is Christmas / Solstice trees.

When we finally bought our first home in late August, one of the things I looked forward to most was putting up a Christmas tree. The tree was one of my favorite things about the holiday season when I was growing up. My brother and I would take turns sleeping on the couch in the living room just so we could be near the tree, with it's twinkling lights getting juuuust warm enough to make the room smell extra piney. The John Denver and the Muppets Christmas tape played very softly in the background. It felt magic.

Our ornaments were an eclectic assortment of things collected over the years. Many were given to us as gifts. Others were picked up as souvenirs on vacation. Some are storebought, others handmade. They all bring back memories. There's the little green alien in a flying saucer given to me by my BFF in high school back when we thought the X-Files was the greatest show on television. There are lots of cats, given to me after my brother got me a pet cat in high school, and everyone assumed I was a die-hard cat person. There is the lavender paper Christmas ball, a gift from my mother's hairdresser friend the year I came out. "Did you notice the color?" he asked with a smile and a wink. There is the glittery wreath that I worked so hard on in elementary school in an effort to impress the teacher I so admired.

Our first tree in our new home is decorated from about the waist up. It is surrounded by a superyard. Rather than presents, the area under our tree is frequently filled with blocks, shoes, remote controls, mail, and anything else the kiddos throw over the gate. The nice warm bulbs of my childhood have been replaced by the more responsible LED lights, which sadly don't emit enough heat to activate my spinning ornaments, the only item I inherited from my grandmother. There is still the mishmosh of ornaments, some from my love's childhood and some from my own. She was raised Catholic, so there are some angels represented in her collection. I didn't have a religious upbringing, so my ornaments include a large number of animals and snowmen. And then there are ornaments from the yearly vacations we took together. There are the ornaments we bought at a Christmas store the year we gave up our vacation to pay for fertility treatment after fertility treatment. There are baby's first Christmas ornaments. The ornaments are a record of who were, who we are, our lives together, and who loves us. And each night after dinner has been eaten, kids bathed and put to bed, and dishes washed, we put back the shoes, and the remote, and anything else that has been thrown under the tree. With nothing but the glow of Christmas lights illuminating the room, my love and I sink into the couch and get to relax and have adult conversation for the first time all day. We are able to enjoy the quiet, in our beautiful home, while our amazing children sleep upstairs. And it feels magic.

recovering infertile

It's hard to believe, 2 years ago today I was riding home with my feet on the dashboard (don't worry, I wasn't the one driving) after my IVF transfer. I was hopeful, but very guardedly so. Of the 26 eggs retrieved earlier that week, only 2 made it to transfer. It was my second attempt at IVF, after multiple failed IUIs and home insems. I remember trying to get myself to a place where I was okay with switching to my partner's eggs or body to help start our family. I remember thinking that I should start looking into adoption. I remember looking at the billboards for other fertility clinics along the highway, thinking that maybe one of them might offer a different protocol that could work for me.

Some days I just shake my head in disbelief that I ended up with not one, but two amazing children. I'm also surprised sometimes by how deeply my time as an infertile has impacted me. I find that I STILL make note of billboards for new fertility clinics. I still check the tp every time, and I've even caught myself breathing a sigh of relief when I don't see red. I wonder how long it's going to take before I get it through my thick skull that the IVF worked, and I can let go of the infertile mentality.