I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I get off the train or keep on riding? I'm nearly a week into TWW #9, and I'm already pretty sure that this cycle is a bust. In my previous 8 attempts, I feel like I've always had a clear plan of attack in the event that I got a BFN. But now that I've gotten through 9 attempts (if you count the current) without a single BFP, I wonderif it's time to re-evaluate.
In a nutshell, here's what I've done so far:
Frozen Donor #1
*2 un-medicated IUIs
*1 un-medicated home insem
(switched at the urging of the clinic due to low-ish count)
Frozen Donor #2
*2 un-medicated IUIs
*2 un-medicated home insems
*2 IUIs with gonal-f
Am I crazy to think this will ever work for me? Should I just quit this TTC madness before I drive myself further into debt?
One of the lesbian conception books (I can't remember if it's Pepper or Brill) says that sometimes a woman and a donor are perfectly healthy and normal, but incompatible with each other. I'm not quite sure if I buy into that, but I am thinking of switching donors. If I do give up onthis donor, I will most likely have to give up on my sperm bank as well. I'm having a hard time giving up on my sperm bank because they release the identity of the donor when the child is 3 months old, which is something I was really drawn to. Sometimes I think I need to tough it out with this sperm bank because I'd love to give my child the opportunity to know his or her father from the beginning. Othertimes I tell myself to get practical and do what it takes to get the job done, even if it's not how I originally envisioned things.
If anyone wants to weigh in, I'd love to hear from you. How attached are / were you to a particular donor or sperm bank? What makes you stick with it or switch things up? I'm especially interested in hearing from some of the ladies who are taking the local train to Conceptionville. How many tries would you / did you give the guy to get the job done?
4 years ago
7 comments:
For us, we had two known donors when we started out (not that the same time but one after the other). They both lived out of state, MD and FL. We live in PA. I would drive (to MD) and fly (to FL) to meet with them. That first year I practically used up all of my vacation time just in ttc. It was a mess. My clients were getting pissed because I would cancel their therapy appointments to fly off to Florida when I got a +opk. So although I loved the idea of knowing who the donor was and I wish I could still have it that way, we switched to a bank. We did it for several reasons: 1. a matter of being practical- distance and not having to take time off. 2. Danielle could always be there as she wasnt' always able to take vacation time like me and 3. I felt embarrassed month after month traveling to them because of yet another failed cycle.
We like our sperm bank but it kills me to not know the donor. They don't offer it at mine and from what I've heard some of the donor release banks can change their minds in 18 years. Yours may not have those same problems if they release at 3 months. Anyway, since being with this bank we've tried 4 different donors. We aren't particularly attached to any of them so whoever is available that month on the list we've created is a go.
I think give yourself a few more tries and re-evaluate. Have you had testing to rule out any reasons why you couldn't get pregnant? Are you able to change carriers to your partner? It's a tough decision. I still wonder how I'll truly react when Danielle gets pregnant.
Anyway, good luck on your decision. I'm sure I didn't help but I felt gabby. Hang in there. Sometimes what people think are failed cycles are the ones when they get a bfp. But I also know that when you know in your heart, you are probably right.
Lots of hugs. TTC never gets easier but you become a stronger person because of it.
Hi there! Here's my track record:
Frozen Donor #1:
- 9 cycles, 15 vials
- 3 of these medicated and monitored by RE
- no bfp
Frozen Donor #2:
- Medicated and monitored cycle
- 1 vial
- BFP (ended in miscarriage but we are stucking with him when we try again)
I don't know what that means but it worked and I think it was because of the change. I also think it would be wise to investigate other treatments\possibilities before you throw in the towel.
Good luck!
I agree with Poppy that you might want to look at other treatments and more monitoring/tests before you call it quits.
If you want to change donors, of course you should.
For us we had:
Frozen Donor #1
3 unmedicated, fully monitored IUI's
3 Clomid cycles
Got pregnant on the 6th try
And...miscarried.
Frozen Donor #2
1 cancelled IVF, converted to an IUI
1 failed Clomid IUI
1 IVF cycle (with partner's eggs)
waiting to find out....
For us the donor thing is more complicated because we're using a known donor who is basically the only guy we know well enough and trust well enough to do right as a kd.
However, the counts haven't been that hot some of the time and after speaking to our fave nurse about it we did think about changing. The only prob for us was that it wasn't just changing the donor, it was changing from known to unknown. Actually that wasn't even the main problem, the main problem was that if we did that we can only get sperm from our clinic and there's like at 12month plus waiting list.
In the end we decided that it wasn't worth losing our kd relationship/situation for something with no guarantees.
But if our original donor had been anon we would definitely be changing it up.
There's no guarantees either way but if it gives you a sense of control or feels right then I say give it a shot.
We switch donors often. We've used four or five now I think. I always fall in love with a donor and think he's the only one for us - then his junk doesn't work and I find someone I love just as much.
Still holding out hope, though.
I know how you feel. On my worst days, I feel like I should realize that it will never happen and give up. On my better days, I realize that it WILL be all worth it in the end. I certainly do understand where you're coming from, but I hate to see you give up.
I could never have imagined us taking a break from it, even for one cycle. We had to this month, and I have to say it was wonderful. I absolutely didn't know how drained I was until I was away from it.
We switched donors once, and I'm so glad we did. In fact, I'm (almost) glad we didn't get pg w/ the first one. Things change, new donors come available. Have you kept an eye on what's out there? Our donor is open, so our little ones will be able to meet him when they're 18. I hope that will be a good compromise for them.
Have you guys tried C.lomid? It looks like you've used injectables, but maybe C.lomid would be the magic bullet - everyone seems to respond differently.
I'm pulling for you guys! And who knows - maybe this cycle is it!
I went through four donors before the BFP found me. Each donor seemed SO perfect...until I didn't get knocked up. I even had an RE suggest I switch to a donor that was the same blood type as me (that was donor #3)- but in the end it was an open donor (will be known to my kid when he turns 18) with a totally different blood type that did it.
I am a fan of switching donors- or at least window shopping in case there is a donor out there that feels even more great than the one ya'll are using now.
(does your clinic tell you if the donor has worked for another woman? I know some women either don't like to know- but I always tried with donors that had a proven track record)
of course hoping this is all moot and that you are totally preggers right now.
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