Monday, June 29, 2009


We had a BBQ over the weekend to celebrate our friend Angela's birthday, our friend Mr. Fantastic's birthday and Elizabeth's dissertation defense.  Usually it rains when we plan an outdoor party, but for the first time in about 3 years the weather held out.  We crammed over 20 people into our tiny patch of dirt of a backyard, including 4 kids.  I went overboard and made 3 kinds of ice cream cookie sandwiches- chocolate chip cookies w/ vanilla ice cream, peanut butter cookies w/ chocolate ice cream, and chocolate cookies w/ strawberry ice cream.  They're so easy to make, but everyone is always very impressed by them.  Some of the guests ate one of each!

Overall, it was a great evening.  There was just one teensy awkward moment.  Our friends Kelly and Janelle asked Mr. Fantastic if he would consider being a sperm donor for them.  At the party.  Right over the potato salad.  Talk about putting a guy on the spot.  First of all, Mr. Fantastic is VERY guarded about his private life.  Just watching him clam up was uncomfortable.  He is not the type of guy to casually discuss sharing his DNA in front of a large group of people.  The whole thing was made even more inappropriate because this was the first time Kelly had met Mr. Fantastic.  He used to live in the area and is close with Janelle, but he lives out of state now and only visits a few times a year.  Kelly had known him for about 20 minutes when she asked him if he'd consider donating.  He's a good looking guy, and Kelly was obviously picking him apart from the moment she laid eyes on him.  She kept going on about how handsome he was, and that her jaw dropped when he walked into the room.  Mr. Fantastic responded with a quick, "We'll have to talk about this later" and then walked away.  

I hate to feel like a bad friend, but I hope that he says no.  Sure, some of it stems from the fact that Kelly and Janelle don't even live together yet, and that their relationship is a bit rocky. Some of it is because Kelly's biological clock is loudly ticking, but Janelle is unsure if she wants kids.  But the biggest reason why I hope he says no is also the most selfish, and hardest to admit.  

About 3 years ago, out of the blue Mr. Fantastic told Elizabeth that if we ever wanted kids that he'd be OUR sperm donor.  We were ecstatic.  For the next two years we imagined our own features combined with his, dreamt of how wonderful he'd be with children, etc.  So a little over a year ago when we decided that we would start trying soon, we reminded him of his offer.  He didn't reply for months.  Elizabeth finally checked in with him, and he told us that medically, he wasn't able to be a donor.   We both respect his privacy, and didn't press the issue or ask for details, but there was always a part of me that wondered if the "medical reasons" excuse he gave was legit or just a way of trying to let us down easily.  So if he does end up donating to Kelly and Janelle, Elizabeth and I will both be hurt.  I think Elizabeth will be upset mostly because one of her closest friends wasn't truthful with her.  I think I would be most upset that he chose another couple over us- that he decided we weren't worthy but they are.  

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself and assuming the worst.  I want to give Mr. Fantastic the benefit of the doubt and believe he was honest with us.  If Kelly and Janelle do pursue the matter further, I'm sure he'll say no.  I was just unprepared for a conversation like that at our party, and unprepared for how I'd feel about someone else swooping in on the guy who was almost our known donor.  The whole thing was just a little bit awkward.


Melissa said...

I totally think he will say no to them.

Lisa said...

Talk about bad timing. When we first started ttc, we had a known donor and I don't think I would EVER approach them at a party. It's just not the time or the place to hold the conversation.

It's interesting that they even pursued it considering the state of their relationship. Secretly I hope he says no too just because I can imagine how hurtful that would be to the both of you.

Good luck to your upcoming try.

Lisa said...

Oh and by the way, those ice-cream sandwiches look amazing. What a great idea.

Pufferfish said...

Oh that is awkward--but I doubt he would say yes to them. I really doubt it.

thebao said...

Awkward, shmawkward--that is just plain inappropriate! If Mr. Fantastic is as fantastic as his name would imply, there is no way he would choose to donate to someone who was so blatantly out of line. I don't think you and E have Thing One to worry about in that arena!
Also, I would like a chocolate chip one, please. :)

Tui said...

I think he'll say no too, and if he's as private and fantastic as you said he probably wouldn't have wanted to shoot them down in front of everyone - especially if there is a medical issue. She sounds as though she would have no qualms digging for the details on that in front of everyone too!

I can understand how you feel though - weird alright!

poppycat said...

Wow, that really was awkward! REALLY awkward. Some one needs a filter installed on her mouth. LOL. He won't say yes, I'm sure of it.

Glad your party was a huge success otherwise but I am hurt and disappointed you didn't save and icecream sandwiches for me! They look so yummy!