Wednesday, August 5, 2009

On to the toes...

I have learned something about myself.  G.onal F, when taken in higher doses, appears to make my cycles really short.  This is my second time doing 150 IU and AF showed up on day 20 cutting my TWW down to just one week.  The first time I did 150 IU, I had a 21 day cycle.  For those of you keeping track, that's 7 IUIs and 3 home insems without a single BFP.  10 total BFNs.  I have run out of fingers on which to count them.  Guess I should start counting on my toes now. 

I've reached a point where the numbers are hitting me hard.  Getting up to the double digits is a big blow.  Celebrating my 30th birthday without a BFP is tough.  Hitting the 1 year of TTC in September is going to be hard. 

Overall I think I've been taking it pretty well.  I've tried to keep busy and focus on positive things.  Moving has provided the perfect distraction, so I don't have too much time to dwell on the BFN.  We've also had some unexpected good news.  Elizabeth found out the other day that she got a postdoc, so we're incredibly relieved to know that we'll be okay financially next year.  But the thing that has really kept me from wallowing was reading about these wonderful ladies who finally got a BFP!  (congratulations!) Just gotta  be patient, and it will happen for me too someday.  

6 comments:

boo said...

That totally and completely sucks. I am so sorry.

Keely said...

I am sorry... stories like ABM3's have to give you hope though.

Lisa said...

Oh my goodness, I'm flattered that you wrote about me on your blog. I dreaded turning 30 but now that it's here it's not as bad as I thought. What's postdoc?

Sarah said...

Does that mean that your luteal phase is too short? Were you doing the progesterone suppositories?

justine said...

gayby,
it will happen for you. i am sorry that it's taking longer than anyone of us would want for you, but i think you are doing all the right things- figuring out what you need, being nicely distracted, keeping at life. i am totally impressed by your outlook and really hope that you figure out what's going on with your cycle easily and things go in a better direction soon. in the meantime, soak up all that good news and new house excitement.

we're thinking of you here.

Lisa said...

When the old BBC was up and running and I was new to ttc, there was a girl who had been ttc'ing for about 20+ times. She was in a heterosexual relationship. I remember thinking she has to be crazy for ttc'ing that long but eventually she got pregnant. When I started to get in the double digits I thought I'm becoming that girl. It's so different when you get to that point in your ttc journey. You just keep on going because of the hope you have that it will happen at some point. I wont lie and say that I didn't give up hope at times. God I've had some really bitter and depressing days (okay months) regarding ttc. But, i guess I'm saying all of this to say keep on trying. Amy and Melissa tried for a long time as well and now she's nearing her second trimester. TTC is definitely an emotional journey. Take breaks if you have to but keep on trying. We took 2 vacations to handle the heartbreak of not conceiving. I took off a month here and there to regroup but keep on trying. And as always, I'm rooting for you.