Guilty Pleasures

Gotta say, I'm loving this non-challenge!

Guilty pleasure #1 Gelato, ice cream and pretty much any other frozen dessert. Although there is almost always a pint in our freezer, there's something about going out to the scoop shops and seeing all those different flavors lined up that makes me giddy. Even hearing the music from an ice cream truck makes me perk up and check my pockets for cash, just in case the driver decides to stop for me. Guilty pleasure #2 Reality TV. Some of my favorites are RuPaul's Drag Race, Top Chef, 16 and Pregnant (though it made me horribly bitter and jealous when I was TTC), Sister Wives, 19 Kids and Counting and Hoarders. Guilty Pleasure #3 Crisps. I'm not trying to be cute and randomly toss British terms into the conversation. I just really love all the different kinds of British potato chips. I know, the flavors are all crazy artificial, but I can't help myself. Cheddar and red onion chutney, anyone? Guilty Pleasure #4 Seeing jerks get pulled over. I'm not the hugest fan of law enforcement, but when someone has been weaving, speeding, and forces me to slam on my brakes with my kids in the back, I get a little thrill when I see them pulled over. Guilty Pleasure #5 Fake sick days. I rarely call out sick because I rarely get sick. But once in a while I'll treat myself to a mental health day. I'm always a little bit worried about getting caught, but there is something that just feels so deliciously naughty about having a leisurely lunch at a restaurant while everyone else is at work.

un-challenge day 2, My high school self

Ahh, my high school self. That girl just could not wait to get out of high school. I took AP classes and was a total overachiever, especially in Spanish class. I even went to Spanish nerd camp one summer. I did lots of non-athletic extracurricular activities just so they'd show up on my transcript and I could get into college and get the hell out of "ye olde quaint New England towne". My high school was on the smaller side, and I didn't know anyone else who was gay. I had figured it out by middle school, so I spent a lot of time feeling trapped and feeling like I just didn't fit in. Once I got to middle school, I didn't have a ton of friends because I wasn't interested in the same things the other girls were. Try as I might, I couldn't fake a crush on Luke Perry.

When I got to high school, I found another outcast like myself. (Lets call her B) She was the outcast because she was the biggest girl in school. I was the outcast because, although I hadn't come out at that point, I was obviously different from the other girls. We had a few other outcast friends, but for the most part B was pretty possessive. She'd get upset if I tried talking to people she didn't approve of. She told me that nobody would accept me if they knew I was gay. She made me feel like I was lucky to have her as a friend, because there was just no way I'd get anyone else. We were inseparable because I had nobody else. When I found a gay youth group a few towns away during my senior year, B was pretty pissed. I began hanging out with the kids from the youth group and at the risk of sounding cliche, I finally felt free, felt like I could be myself. We would stay out late in coffee shops and diners, go camping, go on road trips and pull crazy stunts (many of which involved staging barbie dolls in crazy scenes in public places- don't worry, nothing lewd!). I hardly spent any time with B anymore. When I started dating someone I met in the group, that was it. B was furious and ended our friendship. Fortunately, all the hard work and extracurricular activities paid off, and I was accepted to my top choice college.

Non-challenge day#1

Where do you blog?

Like many of you, I blog from work. Isn't it lovely?

I couldn't get everything in the picture with my crummy cell phone camera, but I did my best to capture my desk as it really is. I didn't clean up for y'all. I left my travel mug and my heating food in the office microwave mug and my brita (budget cuts, no more water cooler) out for all to see. My desk is usually covered with notes and packages and other things people dump there for me. As you may have guessed from the pile of books and the barcode scanner gun, I work in a library. My desk is not very private- the office is one big room with desks plunked all over, and I have 2 cubicle walls with a big gap between them. But it's a pretty laid back atmosphere thanks to my boss. Everyone has their own way to waste time, be it blogs, video games or facebook.

I rarely blog from home because I'd rather spend that time with my family. I'm out of the house from about 7:30am -6pm. Not the longest workday, but it doesn't give me too much time with my babies if I want to get them to bed at a decent hour.

Daycare woes

Some recent posts at Bao in the Oven inspired me to do a post on my own daycare situation. I never really wanted to send my kids to daycare. I had always hoped that Elizabeth would land some tenure track job just in the nick of time and that I'd be able to be a stay at home mom for a year or two, then put them in some awesome and engaging pre-school and go back to work part time. Unfortunately, the academic job market sucks. Elizabeth's PhD did not land her a tenure track job, but got her stuck adjuncting. And anyone who has ever been an adjunct before can tell you that it pretty much qualifies you for sponsorship from Sally Struthers.

So here we are, going to the only daycare we can afford. We toured all of the facilities in the area. None of them would give a price over the phone. Instead, they make you come in and fall in love with the facility and "curriculum" and then hit you with the cost. They all but laughed in our faces when we told them what we could afford. Our daycare is in a small, older building. It is definitely showing it's age. I think we were able to get a good price there because the tired, worn facility can not compete with the bright, fancy new daycares that have been springing up like dandelions.

We love that our daycare is so accommodating. They were the only place that would let us do a 4 day week instead of going truly full time. They are willing to work with our changing schedules and occasional early dropoff / late pickup. I admire the patience it must take to do what they do each day for a very small salary. The people there really are sweet, and seem to genuinely like our kids.

But it's definitely not the same as some of the other places we saw. The fancy new facilities teach sign language and have music and art "programs" even in the infant room. Our daycare has nothing like that. I know I can't expect all the little extras for the price we pay. But there are some other things that bother me a bit more. A couple weeks ago I walked in to find my daughter looking red and blotchy. My mind raced to remember what she ate that day, thinking it was some kind of allergic reaction. It wasn't until I looked at my son's sheet for the day, which contained a small note about him tipping over in a walker outside that I realized it wasn't an allergic reaction- my daughter had a sunburn from being taken outside without sunblock. Some other things that make me scratch my head and wonder:

*I'm 90% sure they heat bottles in the microwave. I always heard that was bad because it destroys the beneficial properties of breastmilk and that it heats unevenly.

*The babies are always put to sleep on their tummies. I know many babies do better this way, but I thought a daycare would need to be more strict about the whole "back to sleep" thing and other safety issues.

*I found out that my son was eating a teething biscuit in the jumperoo. Isn't this a cholking hazard? Like running with a lollypop in your mouth?

*There seems to be very little effort to get the babies to nap. Some kids from the pre-K room frequently visit the infant room. It's nice that the babies get the extra attention and stimulation, but it creates a chaotic environment in the room. No wonder they don't get any sleep.

*Communication can be really difficult. All kids are supposed to have a sheet filled out with info on how many diapers they had, how they napped, when & how much they ate etc. I know the staff is busy, but these sheets are hardly ever filled out more than halfway. I think they're inaccurate much of the time too. AM and PM staff sometimes give conflicting information. This makes it hard to determine if their schedule is working or needs to be changed. I hate having so little control over / involvement in my kids lives.

There are other minor things that pop up, and I'm sure I'll remember a whole slew of other things as soon as I post this. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has similar issues with their daycare. Maybe all daycares are the same, and I'm fretting a bit too much over silly little things. Or maybe I'm just looking for stuff to be bothered by since I never really wanted them in daycare in the first place.

Thanks for all the advice on good places to find clothes. Of course when you're trying not to be too gender conforming and all else fails, just dress them exactly the same.

good luck trying to tell them apart now!

sugar and spice, and clothing advice

Having fully entered the world of solid foods, it seems that we can never have enough bibs. We found a great deal on some bibs with waterproof backing at a baby store last week, and bought 1 "girl" pack and 1 "boy" pack (with the intention of letting either baby wear bibs from either pack). All 10 of the boy bibs boasted of the wearer's superb athleticism. The girl bibs were more of a mixed bag. Some cupcakes, some ladybugs, etc. But the bib that really got me was the one that said "Kisses, 25cents". Really? What's next, a onesie that says "I'll flash my tits for a 15 second spot on "girls g0ne wild"? I know that the bib company intended this to be cute, and maybe I'm making a big dea lout of nothing, but somehow I just can't bring myself to put this on either of my kids.

We're not trying to put our daughter in strictly gender neutral clothing. We try to mix it up as much as we can. As she gets older and finds her own style and sense of self, we want her to know that we'll love her in ballet slippers as much as we'll love her in combat boots. Though as the multi-pack of bibs proved, sometimes the "girly" options leave a lot to be desired. And it's harder and harder to find clothes that don't play into the gender stereotypes in sizes larger than 6m. Anyone out there have a great source for kids clothes?

Going halfsies

It just happened. I knew it would happen sooner or later. It was just a matter of when, and how. After months of no activity whatsoever on the bulletin boards, suddenly there is contact information for the other families who used our donor. And suddenly, my twins have 6 half siblings that we know about, all born within 2 months of each other. In my head, the meeting was all very romanticized- We all meet and bring the kids to Disneyworld, and they become like dear cousins to each other. The moms become BFFs and we all live happily ever after. The reality was much different.
There was a flurry of emails in the first few days, as we exchanged names and photos of our kids, and compared their personalities. But I'm left wondering what will happen once the initial curiosity wears off. What kind of relationship will my kids have with their half siblings?

My relationship with my own half-sister is a bit rocky. We lived about a half hour away from each other until I was 10 and she was 3. Then she and her mother packed up and moved halfway across the country. My asshole father did very little to keep her connected to the family, and only flew her out to visit about once a year (now it's about every 4 years). He never went to visit her. I wasn't allowed to make long distance calls, and she was too young to write letters back and forth, so we were not close growing up. As the internet became more widely available, we started communicating through e-mail. But she has a tendency to drop off the face of the earth for months at a time. It's not uncommon to go close to a year without hearing from her. She's a bit of a transient, so I'm never quite sure when or where she'll pop up. One month she's in North Carolina, then months later she'll call from Ohio. When she does re-appear, it's always the same. She wants money. She'll claim its because she doesn't have enough to pay car insurance, or rent, or she needs money to buy a bed because she's been sleeping on a recliner. And I will scramble to send her what little can, because she's my half-sister and I feel compelled to help. Some part of me knows she is irresponsible with money, and that I'm being taken advantage of. If she were just a friend, I would have cut her out of my life long ago. But because we have the same father, I feel a sense of obligation.

I wonder if this is what it will be like for my children. Will they feel a similar sense of obligation to their half siblings? Will they feel like their half siblings owe them anything? Will they desire a close relationship with these other children?
I've been feeling personal pressure on the issue, because I realize that at this young age, it's not really about the kids. It's about the moms. It's going to be OUR ability to communicate and connect with each other that will help shape the foundation of the halfsies relationships to each other. Two of the mothers found each other in a cryobank support group when they were trying to get pregnant. They chat regularly, they've exchanged multiple baby gifts, and they're planning to visit each other soon. I feel like a bit of a third wheel coming into the picture so much later. Suddenly all of my adolescent insecurities have re-emerged. What if the other moms don't like me? What if I blow it for my kids because I'm not as pretty or popular as the other moms?** Will my kids be shut out of a relationship with the half siblings if I don't make a connection with the moms? And in the end, how much of it really matters?
After years of resistance I finally caved and joined facebook, and have become facebook friends with the other moms. Will it ever amount to anything more than that? I suppose only time will tell.

**ETA - I'm not actually worried that they won't like me because I'm "not pretty or popular enough", but I do worry that this is an awkward way to meet people, and I don't want to make a bad first impression.