It's hard to believe, 2 years ago today I was riding home with my feet on the dashboard (don't worry, I wasn't the one driving) after my IVF transfer. I was hopeful, but very guardedly so. Of the 26 eggs retrieved earlier that week, only 2 made it to transfer. It was my second attempt at IVF, after multiple failed IUIs and home insems. I remember trying to get myself to a place where I was okay with switching to my partner's eggs or body to help start our family. I remember thinking that I should start looking into adoption. I remember looking at the billboards for other fertility clinics along the highway, thinking that maybe one of them might offer a different protocol that could work for me.
Some days I just shake my head in disbelief that I ended up with not one, but two amazing children. I'm also surprised sometimes by how deeply my time as an infertile has impacted me. I find that I STILL make note of billboards for new fertility clinics. I still check the tp every time, and I've even caught myself breathing a sigh of relief when I don't see red. I wonder how long it's going to take before I get it through my thick skull that the IVF worked, and I can let go of the infertile mentality.